That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
