whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
