How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
