So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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