My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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