you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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