i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
