Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
whose ass print is on the piano?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
