I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize