I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
