Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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