I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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