he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and she was petting her beer can
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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