In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
