Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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