Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
