I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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