Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
