I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
