From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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