yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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