I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
