I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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