So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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