oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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