Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
