What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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