You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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