The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
