well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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