If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
