I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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