Swine flu. Run for my life!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
