I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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