I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize