but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
