Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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