I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
