hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
