i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i will never coherently bang her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
