Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
