covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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