i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
