he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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