Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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