Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
