Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
