piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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