You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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