on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
