you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
