It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
