I hate your face
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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