yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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