Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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