so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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