nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
