just tell him i said nine months
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
