No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
