idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
