I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
