when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
