I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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