I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
