when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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