I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
