shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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