I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
