Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
